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Today's category: KidsEenie Meenie¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A census taker walked up to a woman who was sitting on a porch. After introducing himself, he said, "How many children do you have?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman answered, "Four."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The census taker asked, "May I have their names, please?" The woman replied, "Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Confused, the census taker said, "May I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Surely, because we didn't want any Moe."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsStanley Cup Finals¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A man named Fred had tickets to game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, right at center ice. As Fred sat down, a man came and asked him if anyone was going to occupy the seat next to him.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No," said Fred, "sit right down. The seat will be empty."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "That's incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would reserve a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and then not use it?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Fred said, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married nearly 50 years ago."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor - to take her seat?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Fred shook his head sadly. "No. They're all at the funeral."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: WivesHousewife Woes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No, this is 223-1375."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SermonsA Joke Backfires¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
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