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Today's category: MiscellaneousSign of the Times¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Plumber "We repair what your husband Fixed."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania "Don't sleep with a drip, call your plumber."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Pizza shop slogan "7 days without pizza makes one Weak."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Sign at the psychic's Hotline "Don't call us, we'll call you."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - At A Laundry Shop "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Billboard on the side of the road "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On an Electricians truck "Let us remove your shorts."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - In a Nonsmoking Area " If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On Maternity Room Door "Push, Push, Push."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - At an Optometrists Office "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On a Taxidermist's window "We really know our stuff."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - In a Podiatrist's office "Time wounds all heels."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On a Butchers window "Let me meat your needs."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On a fence "Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - At a car Dealership "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Outside a Muffler Shop "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Outside a Hotel "Help! We need inn-experienced people."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On a desk in a reception room "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - In a Veterinarians waiting room "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay! "¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - At the Electric Company "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - On the door of a Computer Store "Out for a quick byte."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - In a Restaurant window "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - Inside a Bowling Alley "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - In the front yard of a funeral home "Drive carefully, we'll wait."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ - In a counselors office "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
FOR A man poised for combat with evil spirits, Philippe Moscato looks remarkably at ease. In casual clothes and chatting about the tools of his trade‚ÄĒa ‚ÄúVogel‚ÄĚ crystal, compass, steel crucifix, pendulum and bag of salt from Jerusalem‚ÄĒhe says he can deliver unreal results. Hired to exorcise an apartment in a wealthy district of central Paris, he predicts that the air will change. In the winter, he says, the owners will no longer need their central heating, the result of beneficial vibrations.Mr Moscato's work involves first waggling a pendulum, supposedly to assess the flat's readiness, then lighting a candle, reciting from an exorcism manual, before blessing salty water that he splashes in every room. As he sprinkles, he delivers a flow of incantations. For an hour's work he pockets ‚ā¨155 ($178). He has requests three or four times a week to de-spook property, and exorcises a person on average once a week. Paris, Lyon and the French Riviera are the areas most contaminated...Continue reading
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