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Today's category: DeathGood Old Fred¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ He opened the note, and read, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DrunksGive Me A Push¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you," she says.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter, and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "But the guy was drunk," says the husband.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere, he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts,¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Where are you?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I'm over here," the stranger replies, "on your swing."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. ‚ÄĒ1 Corinthians 9:22A Christian worker has to learn how to be God's man or woman of great worth and excellence in the midst of a multitude of meager and worthless things. Never protest by saying, ‚ÄúIf only I were somewhere else!‚ÄĚ All of God's people are ordinary people who have been made‚Ä¶