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ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
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Today's category: MiscellaneousNun In A Cab┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1) you have to be single and┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2) you must be Catholic."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He does and the nun kisses him. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out. "My dear child, why are you crying?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CrimePrison vs. Work┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison, you spend a majority of time in an 8x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in an 8x10 cubicle.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you get three meals a day. At work, you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you can watch tv and play games. At work you get fired for watching tv and playing games.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At work you must carry a security card to unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison they let your family and friends to come and visit. At work you're not even supposed to speak to your family and friends.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At prison there are sadistic wardens. At work you have managers.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Sunday SchoolDust to Dust┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's right son, why?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well that's just what they said at church today."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die. Once again mother said yes son.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little boy looked at her and said, then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyMaxims of the Internet Age┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. Home is where you hang your @┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5. Great groups from little icons grow.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7. C: is the root of all directories.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9. The modem is the message.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10. Too many clicks spoil the browse..┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 11. The geek shall inherit the earth.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 12. A chat has nine lives.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 13. Don't byte off more than you can view.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 14. Fax is stranger than fiction.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 15. What boots up must come down.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 16. Windows will never cease.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 17. Virtual reality is its own reward.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 18. Modulation in all things.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 19. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 20. There's no place like http://www.home.com┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 21. Know what to expect before you connect.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 22. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 23. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveChristian Pick-Up Lines┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. Nice bible"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. "I would like to pray with you"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. "You know Jesus? Me too!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. "God told me to come talk to you"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5. "I know a church where we could go and talk"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6. "How about a hug, sister?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7. "Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8. "Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9. "Oh, you're cold? Maybe we should read Ecclesiastes 4:11"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 11. "What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 12. "I am here for you."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 13. "The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," So...how about dinner?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 14. "You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 15. "You want to come over and watch "The 10 Commandments" tonight?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 16. "Is it a sin that you stole my heart?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 17. "Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 18. "Nice bracelet. 'What would Jesus date? Uh, I mean *do*'"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 19. "Do you believe in Divine appointment?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 20. "Have you ever tried praying at a drive in before?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 21. "Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 22. "My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's his name."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 23. "You know, they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 24. "Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 25. "What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace by candle light."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 26. "What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 27. "You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 28. "You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 29. "I'm pretty flexible - I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 30. "Before tonight, I never believed in predestination..."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 31. "Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 32. "I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: AnimalsGoodbye Ugly Suit┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's the one!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suitwe've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologySign Your Card┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So I signed the credit card in front of her.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As luck would have it, they matched!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: HusbandsPrognosis Not Good┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. "At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. "For dinner, fix an especially nice meal and don't burden him with household chores."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. "Satisfy his every whim."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She replied "You're going to die."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DeathFinal Eulogy┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I'd like to hear them say...... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveThe First Kiss┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No way. It's just too risky!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh yes you can. Please?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "NO, no. I just can't."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Pleeeeease?..."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Sunday SchoolFireman's Dog┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: HypocritesThou Shalt Not Lie┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BlondesBlonde Jockey┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Stan, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MistakesThe First Stall┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Leaving Miami for Ft Lauderdale, I decide to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go into the bathroom. The first stall is taken, so I go into the second stall. I had just sat down when I hear a voice from the other stall............┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Hi there, how is it going?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Okay, I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say, so finally I say:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Not bad............"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then the voice says:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "So, what are you doing?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I am starting to find this a bit weird, but I say:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, I'm going to Ft Lauderdale.........."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then I hear the person, all flustered, say:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Look, I'll call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!!!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsThe Dead Mule┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He telephoned the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the Pastor to the Health Department. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ They explained, "Since there was no health threat you'll need to call the Sanitation Department." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When the pastor called the Sanitation Department, the Manager of the Sanitation Department said, "I can't pick up that dead mule without authorization from the mayor." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Pastor was not at all too eager to call the mayor, who possessed a very bad temper and was always extremely unpleasant and hard to deal with, but, eventually, the Pastor called the mayor anyway. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The mayor did not disappoint the Pastor. The mayor immediately began to rant and rave. After his continued rant at the pastor, the mayor finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't your job to bury the dead?" ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The pastor paused for a brief prayer, and asked the Lord to direct his response. The lord led the pastor to the words he was seeking, "Yes, Mayor, it IS my job to bury the dead, BUT I always like to notify the next of kin first!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsBeating The Odds┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Again he went through his tables.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsTime For Church┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Why not?" she asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SchoolPunctuation┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Old FolksWhat Did He Say┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleRemarkable Parrot┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Milton," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "But Donald," she said, "the little chicken you sent was delicious!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: QuestionsSilly Questions┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: They all have phones.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: A stick.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Nacho Cheese.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Subordinate Clauses.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Quatro sinko.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Spoiled milk.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Frostbite.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: A pool table.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Sanka.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: A nervous wreck.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: They're trying to get away from the noise.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Because they have big fingers.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SermonsRest in Peace┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he finally managed to ask, "Which one, the 9:00 or 10:30 service?View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChristmasThe Lost Purse┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersLawyer Quiz┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Professional courtesy.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: Because deep down, they are all nice guys!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: An offer you can't understand.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What would happen if you lock a cannibal in a room full of lawyers?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: He would starve to death.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Did you hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: The lawyer charges more.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DoctorsDirect Diagnosis┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Judy rushed in to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The doctor looks her over for a couple of moments, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
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