Home »

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
News in this category: 30
Bookmark and share this category:  

News

Today's category: CrimeStupid Criminals 3¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Portsmouth, RI: Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he: 1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and 2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Lake City, Florida: Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Ann Arbor News (crime column): A man walked into Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Bowling Green, Ohio, student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ In Wesley Chapel, Florida, Joseph Aaron, 20, was hit in the leg with pieces of the bullet he fired at the exhaust pipe of his car. When repairing the car, he needed to bore a hole in the pipe. When he couldn't find a drill, he tried to shoot a hole in it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ (Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ (Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BlondesFirst Football Game¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked her how she liked the game.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand though why they were killing each other for 25 cents."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "What do you mean?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "All they kept screaming was: Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksFishing Licence¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A couple of rednecks were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ After about a half mile the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!!" the Warden gasped.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one ..."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsWatermelons¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The poorly paid local pastor grew watermelons to suppliment his meager income. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the pastor's sign. When the pastor returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersProfessional Fighting¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and put a thumbtack in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and put a tack in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This putting tacks in shoes and spitting in cokes?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ScienceOld Bones¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsThe Golden Phone¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ It seems a man in Topeka, Kansas decides to write a book about churches around the country. He starts by flying to San Francisco and working east from there.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ He goes to a very large church and begins taking pictures, etc. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign which reads "$10,000.00 a minute." Seeking out the pastor, he asks about the phone and the sign. The pastor answers that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. He thanks the pastor and continues on his way.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ As he continues to visit churches in Seattle, Denver, Boise, Milwaukee, Chicago, New York, and on around the United States, he finds more phones with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Finally, he arrives in the South. Upon entering a church, lo and behold, he sees the usual golden telephone. But THIS time the sign reads "Calls: 25 cents." Fascinated, he asks to talk to the pastor.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I found this golden telephone, and I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000.00 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The pastor, smiling benignly, replies, "Son, you're in the South now. It's a local call."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FaithThe Pious Woman¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A flood was on its way, forcing everyone to evacuate. The police rowed up to the most pious woman in town and said, "Ma'am, you have to leave this house! People are dying out here!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman replied, "No, I'm not leaving. God has always helped me before, and He will do it again."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ So as the water started to rise, she went to the second story of her house. Another boat came by, and the captain yelled, "Ma'am, you have to get on this boat or you're going to drown!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman replied again, "No, God helped me before, and He will do it again."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The water rose even higher. This time she went to the top of the roof, where a helicopter came and hovered overhead. The pilot called into his loudspeaker, "Please climb aboard, ma'am. You are going to drown!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The women sniffed and again replied, "God is going to save me!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ But the water rose higher, and soon she drowned to death. She went to Heaven, and there she asked God, "Why didn't you save me, O Lord?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ And God replied, "I did help--I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchHead Hog of the Trough¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Fred called a church and asked to speak to the Head Hog of the Trough.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Secretary: How rude! I'll have you know we would NEVER EVER refer to our pastor as a hog.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Fred: Okay, then just take a message. Tell him I've come into a bit of money so I was calling to give your church $10,000.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Secretary: Well hold the phone, dearie! I think I see that big fat pig coming down the hall right now.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksIn A Redneck Church¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. People ask, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," and then five guys and two women stand up.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8. Baptism is referred to as "branding".¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9. There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 11. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 12. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 13. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" (banjo accompaniment optional)View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BlondesSelling a Car¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if only I can sell the car."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Okay," said the blonde's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the friend asked her, "Did you sell your car?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MothersChildbirth¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Like this?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "A little more..."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Like this?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No. A little more..."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Like this?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yes. Does that hurt?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "A little bit."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Now stretch it over your head!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: AnimalsDoggie Contest¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?" Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SchoolA Letter Home¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Love, Your $on.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Reply:¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Love, DadView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MistakesThe Ugly Baby¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveChristian Breakup Lines¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. "I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. "I'm sorry, it's just not God's will."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. "I feel called to the ministry_very soon and very far from you as soon as possible."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. "I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. "God loves me and must have a better plan for my life."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. "You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7. "At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8. "You need someone with lower standards."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9. "I think we should just be prayer partners."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10. "I do love you, but it's just agape now"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleIf Students Wrote the Bible¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Ten Commandments would actually be only five--double-spaced and written in a large font.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to [email protected]¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsThe Greatest¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MarriageThe Painting¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksThings A Redneck Won't Say¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. "Duct tape won't fix that."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. "We don't keep firearms in this house."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. "You can't feed that to the dog."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. "I thought Graceland was tacky."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7. "No kids in the back of the pickup...it's not safe."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8. "Professional wrasslin's fake."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9. "Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10. "We're vegetarians."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 11. "Do you think my hair is too big?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 12. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 13. "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 14. "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 15. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 16. "Deer heads detract from the decor."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 17. "Spitting is such a nasty habit."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 18. "I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 19. "Trim the fat off that steak."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 20. "Cappuccino tastes better than espresso."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 21. "The tires on that truck are too big."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 22. "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 23. "I've got it all on a floppy disk."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 24. "Unsweetened tea tastes better."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 25. "Would you like your fish poached or broiled?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 26. "My fiance is registered at Tiffany's."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 27. "I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 28. "She's too old to be wearing that bikini."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 29. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 30. "Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 31. "I don't have a favorite college football team."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 32. "Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 33. "I believe you cooked those green beans too long."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 34. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 35. "Elvis who?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 36. "Checkmate."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsThe Letter¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: "FOOL."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ScienceTest Tubes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ We have two test tubes here," said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. "They contain two carefully synthesised ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genitically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female ovum, while Solution B replicates the active ingredients in male spermatozoa.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "If I mix them in this aseptic glass container a new human life will be conceived. Now any questions?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Could you possibly give us a demonstration?" asked an awed member of the audience.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I'm sorry, not tonight," said the professor, "Solution A has a headache."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksRights For Rednecks¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. You have the right to remain motionless, boy.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth to devour your backside.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his pursuit of you in full stride whereupon catching you he will devour your backside.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. Good luck. On your mark, get set.... GO!!!!!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DrunksA Bad Day¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A little guy is sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink for about a half-hour. A big trouble making truck driver comes up to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ I got home only to find my wife was with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsBaseball In Heaven¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Pat and Mike, both in their 90's, had played professional baseball together and, after they retired, had remained close friends. Pat suddenly fell deathly ill. Mike visited Pat on his deathbed. After they talked a while and it became obvious that Pat had only a few more minutes to live, Mike said, "Listen old friend. After you die, try and get a message back to me. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ With his dying breath, Pat whispers, "If God permits, I'll do my best to get you an answer."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A few days after Pat died, Mike is sleeping when he hears Pat's voice.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Pat says, "Mike, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, yes, there IS baseball in heaven. The bad news is, you're scheduled to pitch the top half of tomorrow's double-header."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Familynet Topsites Independent Fundamental Baptist Topsites The Fundamental Top 500 Bible Top 1000 KJV Bible Top 500

Flag Counter