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ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
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Today's category: PastorsFalling Off The Horse┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The old time pastor was galloping down the road, rushing to get to church on time. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. In the dirt with a broken leg, the pastor called out, "All you saints in Heaven, help me get up on my horse!" ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Once again on the ground, he called to Heaven, "All right, just half of you this time!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CrimeFrom the Mouth of Babes┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny's kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny asked, "So, why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DeathThe Evil BrotheThe Evil Bro┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother went to the local pastor and offered vast sums of money if he would come to the funeral and say the appropriate words, AND, a large bonus, but ONLY if he would - during the course of the eulogy -refer to his brother as "a Saint."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The pastor was troubled by the request, however, it was a very poor church and the church desperately needed repairs.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Parishioners had heard about the pastor's dilemma and were curious as to what he would do.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Funeral began, the church was packed, and the pastor started with the usual prayers and followed the rites and traditions as required by the churches teachings. In closing, after referring to the man in the box, he paused and turned to face the remaining brother.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He began, "As you all know, the departed was an awful individual who robbed, cheated, swindled and stole from everyone he ever did business with.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ However, compared to his Brother, he was - "a Saint!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChristmasDesparate Measures┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Johnny, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Dear Jesus,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Your Friend,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Now Little Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (Brat).┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So, he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Dear Jesus,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Yours Truly,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Well, Little Johnny knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Dear Jesus,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new bicycle?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Signed,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Well, Little Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother was really wanting. He crumpled up the letter and threw it in the trash can and went running outside.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He aimlessly wandered about; depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Little Johnny went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Little Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Jesus,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I've broken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school, tore up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate. I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Signed,┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ You know whoView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Church SignsChurch Signs 1┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerSo Far, So Good┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm really glad about that.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Thank you.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In Jesus name. AmenView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DeathScattered Ashes┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments. As part of these arraignments she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Bloomindales!" the pastor said. "Why Bloomindales?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: KidsTruths Children Learn┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2) When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8) Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9) Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10) School lunches stick to the wall.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 12) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 13) The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FarmersAll Booked Up┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non- antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable for the farmer and his new bride.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways...┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy and I would nod my head and say 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't, it's all booked up for a year.'"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersYou Can't Take It With You┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A dying man gathered his lawyer, doctor and clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MilitaryYou Need A Sticker┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The general said, "Drive on!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DrunksA Long Night┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FaithOut Of Gas┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: "Now that is what I call faith!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CrimeJesus is Watching┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A burglar got into a house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Jesus is watching you." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ This time, he shone his light all over, and it rested on a parrot. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He asked, "Did you say that?" ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The parrot admitted that it had. "I'm just trying to warn you, that's all." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The burglar said, "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?" ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Moses." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The bird answered, "I don't know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsThe Answer┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MiscellaneousYour Boss and You┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you take a long time, you're slow.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you don't do it, you're lazy.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss does it, he's being firm.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsWhat's The Problem┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsRevival┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DoctorsMount Sainai Hospital┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A woman called Mount Sainai Hospital. She said "Mount Sainai Hospital? Hello, Darling. I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The voice on the other line said "Would you hold the line please, that's a very unusual request." Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She said: "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel in Room 302."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He said "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Farber, Feinberg -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman said "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The guy on the other end says: "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She said "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel!! My doctor don't tell me nothing."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerSpeak Up┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsThe Amazing Golf Ball┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The other guy replies, "I found it."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FaithOut of Luck┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenLadies First┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled the women to achieve this reversal of roles? Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleThe Christian Barber┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FaithDivine Advice┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a pastor and poured out his story of tears and woe.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When he had finished, the pastor said, "Here's what I want you to do, put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A year later the businessman went back to the pastor and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom- tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket and gave it to the pastor as a donation in thanks for his advice.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The pastor recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely," replied the businessman.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You went to the beach?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "And what were the first words you saw?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Chapter 11."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
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