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ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
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Today's category: FaithOut Of Gas┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: "Now that is what I call faith!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersLegally Dead┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Journal of the Massachusetts Bar recorded this exchange between an anonymous attorney and a pathologist in a recent murder trial:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Did you check for breathing?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "How can you be so sure?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Even then, this would-be Perry Mason refused to throw in the towel:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Is it possible the patient could be alive, nevertheless?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "It is possible that he could have been alive," said the pathologist, "and practicing the law somewhere."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsBoring Pastor┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "The front row please." she answered.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No." he said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Do you know who I am?" he asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No." she said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Good", he answered.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsA Round Of Golf┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Three men went out to play a round of golf, Moses, Jesus and an old man. Moses tee'd off first, and the ball landed in the water. He parted the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Jesus tee'd off next, and the ball landed in the water. He then walked on the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Lastly the old man tee'd off, but before the ball could hit the water, a fish jumped out and caught the ball in it's mouth. Then an eagle swooped down and caught the fish. Lightening then struck near the eagle, frightening it, and it dropped the fish. When the fish hit the ground, it dropped the ball in for a perfect hole in one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Jesus and Moses turn to the old man, and Jesus said, "Dad, if you don't quit playing like that, we're not going to bring you anymore."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyFamous Writer┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsRevival┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerSpeak Up┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CopsCatholic Police Nuns┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 166 a few miles ago."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyNot So Long Ago┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Not so long ago....┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ An application was for employment┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A program was a TV show┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A cursor used profanity┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A keyboard was a piano!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Memory was something that you lost with age.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A CD was a bank account┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Compress was something you did to garbage not to a file.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for awhile!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Log on was adding wood to a fire.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Hard drive was a long trip on the road.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And a backup happened to your commode!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Cut - you did with a pocket knife.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Paste you did with glue.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A web was a spider's home.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And a virus was the flu!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And the memory in my head.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksMountain Tech Talk┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: GodGod Grants a Wish┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific; the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleThe Christian Barber┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: StupidityThe English Language┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In celebration of the complexities of the English language, we bring you the following: Lets face it English is a stupid language.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted but if we examine its paradoxes we find:- that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables why don't humanitarians eat human!? Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day and as cold as hell on another? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language:- whereby a house can burn up as it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out. A bell is only heard once it goes!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all)View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchFaithful With Much┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: AnimalsCat Collector┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ To which the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MiscellaneousNun In A Cab┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1) you have to be single and┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2) you must be Catholic."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He does and the nun kisses him. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out. "My dear child, why are you crying?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CrimePrison vs. Work┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison, you spend a majority of time in an 8x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in an 8x10 cubicle.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you get three meals a day. At work, you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you can watch tv and play games. At work you get fired for watching tv and playing games.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At work you must carry a security card to unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison they let your family and friends to come and visit. At work you're not even supposed to speak to your family and friends.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At prison there are sadistic wardens. At work you have managers.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MothersName Those Twins┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Denise."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Denephew. "View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Sunday SchoolDust to Dust┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's right son, why?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well that's just what they said at church today."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die. Once again mother said yes son.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little boy looked at her and said, then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: AnimalsGoodbye Ugly Suit┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's the one!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suitwe've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: HusbandsPrognosis Not Good┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. "At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. "For dinner, fix an especially nice meal and don't burden him with household chores."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. "Satisfy his every whim."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She replied "You're going to die."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DeathFinal Eulogy┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I'd like to hear them say...... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenWomen Men Comparison┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ WOMEN:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ MEN:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and sometimes killing spiders.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveThe First Kiss┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No way. It's just too risky!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh yes you can. Please?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "NO, no. I just can't."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Pleeeeease?..."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Sunday SchoolFireman's Dog┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
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