Home »

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
News in this category: 30
Bookmark and share this category:  

News

Today's category: PrayerThe Combination¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SatanOne For You, One For Me¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several were dropped and rolled down toward the fence.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "it's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsLetters to the Pastor¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven someday but later than sooner. Love, Ellen. Age 9, Athens¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, LewistonView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MarriageSecret of a Long Life¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Grandpa Jones was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchThe Cleaning Woman¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The pastor thought to himself, "oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her." He told her that she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still wanted to be baptized. "I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to become a member."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he approached her and said, "I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh, yes," she said. "I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of your church."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "He did?" said the pastor.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh, yes" she replied. "He said even He hasn't been able to get into your church yet, and He's been trying for years."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SatanSatan's Beatitudes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians in Church ~ they are my best workers.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked ~ I can use them in my business.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who are touchy. Soon they will stop going to church ~ verily, they shall be my missionaries.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who sow gossip and trouble ~ they are my beloved children.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who have no time to pray ~ for they MY prey.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who gossip ~ for they are my secret agents.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are you when you read this and think it has everything to do with other people, and nothing to do with you. ~ I've got room for YOU at my inn.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsSkydiving Lesson¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Old FolksBirth Control Pills¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Mrs. Smith, an elderly woman, went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Quite surprised, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchShow and Tell¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The first boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is the Star of David."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The second boy got in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm am Catholic and this is the Crucifix."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The third boy got in front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenMen and Women - Difference¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ While eating out and the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When girls get the bill out come the calculators.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ With money a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 dollar item she doesn't want.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ In a bathroom a man has 5 items. A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn. A women has on average 337 items in her bathroom. A man would not be able to identify most of these Items.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beggining of a new argument.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking men kick cats.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A women worries about the future until she gets a husband. A husband doesn't worry about the future until he gets a wife.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, and read a book. A man will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A succsessful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersReasonable Doubt¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DoctorsDangerous Food¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DrunksLanguage difficulties¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the producer.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Picking himself up, he yelled, "What was that for?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The producer ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you $B%'%'(J@@!!$B%'%'(J! My dad perished in that bombing!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I am not Japanese, you stupid Nincompoop! I am a Chinese!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yeah yeah yeah ...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, ... you are all the same."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a deadly snake fist to the producer, sending him flat to the floor.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "What was that for?!!" exclaimed the producer.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "That's for the sinking of the TITANIC! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "You ignorant chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg! " shouted the producer.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yeah yeah yeah... Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksCar Crashes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Crap!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Only the deep South was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsFore-lorn¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A man loved to play golf. It was the one activity he looked forward to every week. One Saturday, he returned home from a scheduled three-some much earlier than his wife expected. She asked him why he was home so early.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Do you want to play golf with someone who whines about every shot, complains about everything on the course, and makes noises when you're trying to make an important shot?", he asked.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No, I don't," answered his wife.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Neither did they!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: QuestionsQuestions to Ponder 5¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerAtheist Prayer-line¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ You call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MarriagePrivate Grief¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CopsThe Ultimate VIP¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Pope has just finished a tour of the Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, he asks the chauffeur if he can drive for a while. Since the chauffeur really doesn't have much of a choice, he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 MPH, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of the highway patrol in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The trooper, seeing who it is, says, 'Just a moment please, I need to call in.' The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?' asks the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'No Sir!' replies the trooper, 'This guy's more important.'¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'Is it the Governor?' asks the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'Is it the PRESIDENT??? asks the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'Well WHO THE HECK is it?' screams the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'I don't know Sir.' replies the trooper, 'but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur.'View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyNew Year's Resolutions¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. I resolve to work with neglected children - my own.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. I resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8. I will read the manual.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9. I will think of a password other than "password."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: HusbandsThe Fiance¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A young woman brought her fiance home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The father invited the fiancee to his study for a talk. "So what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I am a Biblical scholar," he replies.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "A Biblical scholar. Hmmm," the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The conversation proceeded like this, and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insists that God will provide.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Later, the mother asked, "How did it go, Honey?" The father answered, "He has no job and no plans, and he thinks I'm God."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SchoolKiss The Mirror¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A Christian middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenFor Married Couples Only¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ How to satisfy your wife every time¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again!¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ How to satisfy a man every time¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Show up naked.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SermonsBetter Than Einstein¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than Einstein." Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday's comment about the sermon. The parishioner replied that he did. The minister asked: "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand you."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PoliticsWelcome To America¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A foreign visitor was being given a tour of Washington, D.C. one day by an American friend of hers. She was amazed at the size of the Monuments, the Congressional Buildings, and so forth. Finally she gazed upon the White House itself.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "My, that's an incredibly large building!" she remarked.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yes, it's pretty big, alright." said her friend.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Big? It's huge!! About how many people work in there?" she asked.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Oh... about half."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Familynet Topsites Independent Fundamental Baptist Topsites The Fundamental Top 500 Bible Top 1000 KJV Bible Top 500

Flag Counter