Home »

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
News in this category: 30
Bookmark and share this category:  

News

Today's category: Men vs. WomenAt the ATM Machine¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Differences Between The Sexes Observed At The Drive-Up ATM Machine.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ HIM:¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1) Pull up to ATM¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2) Insert card¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3) Enter PIN number and account¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4) Take cash, card and receipt¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ HER:¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1) Pull up to ATM¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2) Check makeup in rearview mirror¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3) Shut off engine¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4) Put keys in purse¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5) Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6) Hunt for card in purse¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7) Insert card¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8) Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9) Enter PIN number¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10) Study instructions for at least 2 minutes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 11) Hit "cancel"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 12) Re-enter correct PIN number¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 12A) Hit "cancel"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 12B) Call husband to get correct PIN number¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 13) Check balance¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 14) Look for envelope¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 15) Look in purse for pen¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 16) Make out deposit slip¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 17) Endorse checks¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 18) Make deposit¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 19) Study instructions¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 20) Make cash withdrawal¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 21) Get in car¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 22) Check makeup¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 23) Look for keys¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 24) Start car¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 25) Check makeup¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 26) Start pulling away¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 27) STOP¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 28) Back up to machine¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 29) Get out of car¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 30) Take card and receipt¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 31) Get back in car¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 32) Put card in wallet¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 33) Put receipt in checkbook¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 34) Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 35) Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 36) Check makeup¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 37) Put car in gear, reverse¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 38) Put car in drive¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 39) Drive away from machine¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 40) Travel 3 miles¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 41) Release parking brakeView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MarriageSecret of a Long Life¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Grandpa Jones was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FathersThe Truth About Dad¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep with Daddy."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsThe Nine Of Us¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ In Budapest, a man goes to the pastor and complains, "Life is unbearable. There are nine of us living in one room. What can I do?" ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The pastor answers, "Take your goat into the room with you." ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The man in incredulous, but the pastor insists. "Do as I say and come back in a week." ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A week later the man comes back looking more distraught than before. "We cannot stand it," he tells the pastor. "The goat is filthy." ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The pastor then tells him, "Go home and let the goat out. And come back in a week."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A radiant man returns to the pastor a week later, exclaiming, "Life is beautiful. We enjoy every minute of it now that there's no goat-- only the nine of us.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SatanSatan's Beatitudes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians in Church ~ they are my best workers.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked ~ I can use them in my business.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who are touchy. Soon they will stop going to church ~ verily, they shall be my missionaries.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who sow gossip and trouble ~ they are my beloved children.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who have no time to pray ~ for they MY prey.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are those who gossip ~ for they are my secret agents.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Blessed are you when you read this and think it has everything to do with other people, and nothing to do with you. ~ I've got room for YOU at my inn.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsSkydiving Lesson¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Old FolksBirth Control Pills¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Mrs. Smith, an elderly woman, went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Quite surprised, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersHere's An Orange¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The student replied, "Here's an orange."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenMen and Women - Difference¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ While eating out and the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When girls get the bill out come the calculators.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ With money a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 dollar item she doesn't want.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ In a bathroom a man has 5 items. A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn. A women has on average 337 items in her bathroom. A man would not be able to identify most of these Items.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beggining of a new argument.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking men kick cats.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A women worries about the future until she gets a husband. A husband doesn't worry about the future until he gets a wife.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, and read a book. A man will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A succsessful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersReasonable Doubt¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DoctorsDangerous Food¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CrimeNew Yorkers in Heaven¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang. walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Who, the New Yorkers?".¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "No, the Pearly Gates."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Old FolksWalking On Water¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Amanpreet heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, Amanpreet and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ When Amanpreet and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Amanpreet stepped off of the side of the boat... and nearly drowned. Furious and somewhat shamed, he and Brian headed for home. When Amanpreet arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The feeble old grandmother took Amanpreet by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January... you were born in July, dear."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DrunksLanguage difficulties¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the producer.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Picking himself up, he yelled, "What was that for?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The producer ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you $B%'%'([email protected]@!!$B%'%'(J! My dad perished in that bombing!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "I am not Japanese, you stupid Nincompoop! I am a Chinese!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yeah yeah yeah ...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, ... you are all the same."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a deadly snake fist to the producer, sending him flat to the floor.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "What was that for?!!" exclaimed the producer.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "That's for the sinking of the TITANIC! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "You ignorant chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg! " shouted the producer.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yeah yeah yeah... Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Sunday SchoolBarrels of Water¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksCar Crashes¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Crap!"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Only the deep South was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: QuestionsQuestions to Ponder 5¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PoliticsLetter to Heaven¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A little boy wanted 100 dollars badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, they decided to send it to the President¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a 10 dollar bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The little boy was delighted with the money and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, and as usual, those jerks deducted 90%. Love, TommyView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MarriagePrivate Grief¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CopsThe Ultimate VIP¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Pope has just finished a tour of the Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, he asks the chauffeur if he can drive for a while. Since the chauffeur really doesn't have much of a choice, he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 MPH, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of the highway patrol in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The trooper, seeing who it is, says, 'Just a moment please, I need to call in.' The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?' asks the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'No Sir!' replies the trooper, 'This guy's more important.'¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'Is it the Governor?' asks the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'Is it the PRESIDENT??? asks the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'Well WHO THE HECK is it?' screams the chief.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 'I don't know Sir.' replies the trooper, 'but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur.'View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchMeeting of the Board¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst -- a visitor who had never attended their church before.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "My friend," said the pastor, "Didn't you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "Yes," said the visitor, "and after today's sermon, I suppose I'm just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyNew Year's Resolutions¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. I resolve to work with neglected children - my own.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. I resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8. I will read the manual.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9. I will think of a password other than "password."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsDrumming Up Business¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MarriageWedding Rehearsal¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksYou're A Redneck Jedi If¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 3. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 4. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 5. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 6. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 7. Wookies are offended by your B.O.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 8. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 9. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 10. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 11. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 12. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ 13. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Familynet Topsites Independent Fundamental Baptist Topsites The Fundamental Top 500 Bible Top 1000 KJV Bible Top 500

Flag Counter