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ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
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Today's category: WivesA Spectacular Job┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Poof!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsHave A Good Flight┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MistakesBirthday Gift┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChristmasSanta's A Woman┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men can't pack a bag.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men don't answer their mail.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: KidsEenie Meenie┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A census taker walked up to a woman who was sitting on a porch. After introducing himself, he said, "How many children do you have?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman answered, "Four."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The census taker asked, "May I have their names, please?" The woman replied, "Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Confused, the census taker said, "May I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Surely, because we didn't want any Moe."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: WivesHousewife Woes┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, this is 223-1375."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyWinter Is Coming┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be cold?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SermonsBragging boys┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: WivesGoing to Bed┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Mom then washed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails. Hubby called, "I thought you were going to bed."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm on my way," she said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In the bedroom, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ About that time, hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular "I'm going to bed," and he did.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerYou Shouldn't Skip Church┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish.... please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Dear Lord, bless this food I am about to receive... in Jesus' name... Amen."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleBible Confusion┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children's Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a few sweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honored King James Version, to her only grandchild.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions, both about the family members whose births and deaths were recorded therein, and about various aspects of the Scriptures themselves.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Her grandmother was endeavoring to answer all the child's questions in terms she could understand, but the one that stopped her cold was this sincere inquiry:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? Was it the Virgin Mary, or the King James virgin?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenWisdom on the Sexes┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - The Style: Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her, a man, of the woman who didn't.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use in two people remembering the same thing.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - The Battle: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DrunksConfessional Troubles┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: StupidityTechnical Support┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ This is reportedly an actual phone dialog of a former WordPerfect customer support employee:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Support: "Hello, Technical Support; may I help you?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "What sort of trouble?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Went away?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "They disappeared."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Nothing."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Nothing?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "How do I tell?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "What's a sea-prompt?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "What's a monitor?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "I don't know."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Yes, I think so."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Yes, it is."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Okay, here it is."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "I can't reach."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Dark?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Well, turn on the office light then."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "I can't."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "No? Why not?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Because there's a power outage."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "A power?!? A *power* outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Really? Is it that bad?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Oh, yes, I'm afraid it is."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ S: "Tell them you're just too darn stupid to own a computer."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: AmishCollateral Required┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ An Amish man wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Take some jewelry to city and sell it," said the Amish man.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Don't know what collateral means."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes, I have a horse."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "How old is it?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I don't know; it has no teeth."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Several weeks later the Amish man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Put it in my pocket."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I don't know what deposit means."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Amish man leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyChristian Computer Virus┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ You have just received the "Christian Computer Virus."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Because we are Christians, this virus works on the honor system.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Please delete all the files on your hard drive, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Thanks for your cooperation.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CrimeJust One Wish┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love it."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MiscellaneousMoney In Mexico┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Medico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him. He falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time he is bruised and bleeding.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what is a pinata?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: GreedThe Dumb Yuppie┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!" he whined. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" Oh my gaaad...", replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Where's my Rolex!!!!!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveThe Barbie Dolls┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Manager replied, "Which one? We have, 'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ...┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsDumb Jock┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You're not there, sir," he reported.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DeathDo Something Nice For Dad┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: GodAre You God┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One cold evening during the holiday season, a little boy about six or seven was standing out in front of a ore window. The little child had no shoes on and his clothes were mere rags.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A young woman passing by saw the little boy and could read the longing in his pale blue eyes. She took the child by the hand and led him into the store. There she bought him new shoes and a complete suit of warm clothing.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ They came back outside into the street and the woman said to the child, "Now you can go home and have a very happy holiday."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little boy looked up at her and asked, "are you God, Ma'am?" She smiled down at him and replied, "No son, I'm just one of His children."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little boy then said, "I knew you had to be some relation."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BraggersThe Sahara┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: GodGod is Watching┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples. It read, "Take only one, God is watching."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One little boy wrote his own note and snuck it next to the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
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