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ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
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Today's category: Old FolksThree Old Sisters┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There were 3 sisters living together 92, 94 and 95 yrs. old. The oldest went upstairs one evening to take a bath. As she was getting in the tub with one foot in and one foot out, she called down to her sisters, "Am I getting in the tub or am I getting out of the tub?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The 94 yr. old decided to go upstairs to see if she could help figure out the situation. She got to the 3rd step and stopped - then called out, "Was I going up the stairs or was I coming down the stairs?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The 92 yr. old, sitting at the kitchen table, thought she better knock on wood and as she knocked on the kitchen table she said, "I hope I never get as bad as my sisters. Now was that the front door or the back door?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MothersThe Weigh Scale┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Two kids went into their parents bathroom and noticed the weigh scale in the corner. "Whatever you do," cautioned one youngster to the other, "Don't step on it!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Why not?" asked the sibling.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MistakesDinner Date┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsThe Blind Skydiver┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersCigars For The Judge┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "But, I did send them."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes. That's how we won the case."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I don't understand," said the lawyer.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but signed the plaintiff's name."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchThe Dead Church┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CopsSmall Town Justice┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "But officer, I just wanted to say...."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're going to jail!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Don't count on it," said the man in the cell. "I'm the groom!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: WivesA Spectacular Job┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Poof!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveCan't Go Through The Woods┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A man was going to the county fair one day with a pig under one arm and a chicken under one arm, and a basket on his head. He came to a crossroads and didn't know which way to turn. While he stood there deciding, a young woman approached him, heading the same direction.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Please, ma'am, I'm on the way to the county fair. Can you tell me which way to go?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes," she replied. "I'm on my way there, too. We'll go right down this way about a mile, turn left about a mile and a half, left again about a mile and we're right there."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He said, "Wait a minute... down here, turn left and left again? Couldn't we save a lot of time by walking through these woods?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She replied, "Yes, we could. But I couldn't walk through those woods with you. Why... you might try to kiss me!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Listen," he said, "how could I possibly kiss anybody with a pig under one arm, a chicken under one arm and a basket on my head?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well," she replied, "you could put that chicken on the ground, turn the basket upside down over the chicken, and I could hold that little bitty ole pig."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MistakesBirthday Gift┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChristmasSanta's A Woman┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men can't pack a bag.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men don't answer their mail.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: KidsEenie Meenie┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A census taker walked up to a woman who was sitting on a porch. After introducing himself, he said, "How many children do you have?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman answered, "Four."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The census taker asked, "May I have their names, please?" The woman replied, "Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Confused, the census taker said, "May I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Surely, because we didn't want any Moe."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsStanley Cup Finals┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A man named Fred had tickets to game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, right at center ice. As Fred sat down, a man came and asked him if anyone was going to occupy the seat next to him.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No," said Fred, "sit right down. The seat will be empty."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would reserve a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and then not use it?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Fred said, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married nearly 50 years ago."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor - to take her seat?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Fred shook his head sadly. "No. They're all at the funeral."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: WivesHousewife Woes┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, this is 223-1375."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SermonsA Joke Backfires┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyWinter Is Coming┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be cold?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MiscellaneousHandy Tips┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected.)┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: WivesGoing to Bed┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Mom then washed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails. Hubby called, "I thought you were going to bed."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm on my way," she said.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In the bedroom, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ About that time, hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular "I'm going to bed," and he did.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerYou Shouldn't Skip Church┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Oh Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish.... please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Dear Lord, bless this food I am about to receive... in Jesus' name... Amen."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenQuestions For God┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ GOD says, "So you would like them."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ GOD says, "So they would love you!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleBible Confusion┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children's Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a few sweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honored King James Version, to her only grandchild.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions, both about the family members whose births and deaths were recorded therein, and about various aspects of the Scriptures themselves.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Her grandmother was endeavoring to answer all the child's questions in terms she could understand, but the one that stopped her cold was this sincere inquiry:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? Was it the Virgin Mary, or the King James virgin?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Old FolksThe Blinking Light┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Sixty year old John went on to his annual checkup. The doctor asked him if he was still getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He replied, "Yes But the lord has made it much better for me, He turns on the light when I go and He turns off the light when I am done".┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The doctor replied, "Really"!!!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ About and hour after that the doctor called Johns wife and said: He looks fine. But he said that God is making it better for him, when he gets up and Goes to the bathroom during the night God turns on and off the light.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She replied, "that old fool he has been going to the bathroom in the refrigerator again".View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenWisdom on the Sexes┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - The Style: Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her, a man, of the woman who didn't.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use in two people remembering the same thing.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ - The Battle: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyChristian Computer Virus┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ You have just received the "Christian Computer Virus."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Because we are Christians, this virus works on the honor system.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Please delete all the files on your hard drive, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Thanks for your cooperation.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MiscellaneousMoney In Mexico┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Medico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him. He falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time he is bruised and bleeding.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what is a pinata?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
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